The Guide to Working With a Know-it-All

She’s not your boss, but she pretends to be. This self-absorbed colleague enjoys telling you how to do your job while refusing to accept any ideas other than her own. Exaggerating her accomplishments and minimizing yours, the know-it-all feels compelled to prove you “wrong” and deflate you so she can seem superior. If you reach an important goal or have exciting news to share, she’s “been there and done that” and generally in a way that surpasses you. Unfortunately, the know-it-all’s lofty approach also tends to impress company higher-ups, creating an additional challenge for those who must work with one. While the know-it-all may be experienced and competent at her job, her difficult behavior diminishes camaraderie and equality in the workplace.

This is why know-it-alls can be so challenging to work with: they just aren’t very good team players. How could they be, when their only objective is to promote themselves?

The know-it-all needs to be on-stage. They monopolize conversations, one-up their peers, and jump at opportunities to point out your screw-ups. As frustrating as this behavior is, it is important to keep in mind that it is usually rooted in insecurity. Afraid of being seen as inadequate or weak, this individual masks her vulnerability with a condescending demeanour. A truly confident person, in contrast, does not need to upstage others to feel good about themselves. A secure individual has the personal strength and flexibility to admit mistakes, share credit, and consider outside input without needing to compete for attention or run others down. The know-it-all’s arrogance is ultimately a disguise for a lack of confidence in herself and her abilities; this is an insecure personality who requires continual validation and approval to feel valued.

So what are your options when you work with a know-it-all? If your goal is to decrease your stress and enhance the overall well-being in the workplace, then consider the following do’s and don’ts for working with an office know-it-all:

1. Don’t: engage in a confrontation with them. While it may be tempting to get into a clash of egos with the office know-it-all, it won’t be worth the amount of energy you’ll expend; this approach will only trigger their insecurity and escalate their undesirable behavior.
2. Don’t: take their unpleasant behavior personally or expect them to change.   This person’s issues go beyond the work environment and were most likely in place long before you encountered them.
3. Do: make an ally instead of an enemy. Avoid attacking the know-it-all but rather engage them in a discussion about ideas. The key is to be curious instead of critical; by offering some objective, well-placed questions and feedback, you can generate a dialogue in which you can both successfully share perspectives. Say, “That makes sense and I appreciate your viewpoint. My take on the situation is….” or, “That’s interesting. Tell me how you came to that conclusion.” Even if you disagree with the know-it-all’s opinion, validating their position reduces their defensiveness, which increases your chances of being heard.
4. Do: role model the kind of behavior you would like to see from them.    Demonstrate a team work ethic by giving positive feedback and inviting input from others. Refuse to engage in personal attacks or one-upping competitions; aim for cooperation and understanding instead.  This approach showcases your leadership and can help to set a more balanced tone in the work environment.
5. Do: focus on your own job and professional reputation. Regularly network and build strong relationships with your friendlier colleagues. This approach not only builds a support network of peers (which will buffer you from stress), but it will put you in a position where your talents and accomplishments will eventually rival those of your office know-it-all.

Working with a know-it-all can be irritating but it doesn’t have to be all bad. It is always okay for you to disagree – it is how you communicate your differences that will be the decisive factor between a constructive discussion or an awkward workplace conflict. Once you’re able to handle this attention- grabber’s behavior without getting drawn into their agenda, you’ll have the tools to ensure your work day is more gratifying and less stressful for you.

Stay tuned for next month’s issue: