May 2011: The Toxic Administrator: Working for a Bully Boss

If you’ve ever worked for a bully boss, then you know why supervisory bullying is one of the most formidable issues facing the workforce today.
Working for a bully is traumatic and painful, giving one an understanding of what it would feel like to be trapped in an abusive marriage. Bully managers threaten, demean, and verbally brow-beat their employees. They single people out for victimization, isolating their targets and subjecting them to repeated harassment. The most challenging part of having a bully for a boss is that they seldom recognize that their behavior is problematic, quickly transferring the blame towards employees whenever they’re held accountable. Because they are in a position of power and authority, bully bosses can take personal issues with you and distort them into job performance issues, inflicting serious damage to both your health and your career.

Bully bosses are highly manipulative. They’re skilled at covering their tracks and damaging your credibility, making certain that company higher-ups receive negative information about you and your work ethic. That way, by the time you take your concerns up the chain of command, your boss’s version of the story has made it there first, ensuring that higher-ups have already taken sides and are no longer objective in the situation. Then you’re in a real predicament, leaving you feeling vulnerable, paralyzed, and with nowhere to turn. The impact of managerial bullying must not be underestimated – it is a devastating experience, carrying far-reaching consequences for the well-being of victims and businesses alike.

The first step is to clearly identify if you are being abused by your manager. Susan Futterman, author of “When You Work For a Bully” (2004) says supervisory bullying is typically:

- persistent
- focused on trivial issues
- based on false or distorted allegations
- related to unrealistic/unreasonable targets that are set arbitrarily
- not accompanied by constructive efforts to resolve the issue

It is natural for targets of bullying to feel confused and anxious. It is also not uncommon for victims to personalize the bully’s behavior, believing they’ve somehow brought it on themselves. In spite of these challenges, it is important to address the situation as soon as you become aware of the problem.

If you’re being bullied by your boss:

1)Recognize the abuse for what it is: Even if you have made mistakes at work, everyone has room for improvement, and there are appropriate, professional ways to address performance issues that don’t involve bullying or harassing you. It is important for you to keep in mind that you are in no way responsible for the bullying. You did not make the bully the way they are, bullies are the way they are because they enjoy preying on people. Bullies are troubled individuals who obtain pleasure from watching others squirm, especially those with less power.

And in a system where the boss has more power than you, it can be easy for a bully to abuse their authority and deliberately make your life difficult. Their behavior is not a sign of strength but a sign of weakness. And boss or no boss, you have the right to work in a safe environment and be treated with respect.

2)Document the abuse: The general rule of thumb is: “if it’s not in writing, then it didn’t happen.” Therefore, it is important for you to document the details of each incident of bullying; including what was said, what was done, and how you felt. Retain your e-mails and document any phone conversations and/or meetings between you and your manager. Most organizations have policies which prohibit abuse and harassment in the workplace, but they require evidence to take action against a bully boss. Documenting every incident of bullying, although tedious and time-consuming, will be worth the effort. Otherwise, it will simply be a case of your boss’s word against yours, and that is unlikely to turn out in your favor.

3)Take a Stand: Targets of supervisory bullying often “go along to get along”
because they believe standing up to the bully will make the situation worse.
However, bullies are unlikely to change when left to own devices. In fact, most bullies count on victims to remain silent so they can keep right on abusing them. Also, if you haven’t clearly stated how his/her behavior is negatively affecting you, your manager can claim ignorance and stall your complaint.
Therefore, it is important for you to take a stand against the bully for two important reasons: a) you don’t need to be a casualty of their dysfunction any further, and b) you will need to demonstrate that you’ve made a reasonable effort to communicate with your manager and resolve the problem. Calmly inform your boss that you find their behavior to be a form of bullying and that it is unacceptable. Let them know that if their behavior continues you will have no choice but to take further action at a senior level. Any boss with half a brain will stop targeting you when faced with a possible investigation and/or disciplinary action for their conduct. If your boss continues bullying you after you’ve clearly expressed your concerns, then they are actually giving you further evidence to add to your growing paper trail.

4)Take good care of you: Managerial bullying takes a tremendous toll on victims -  emotionally, psychologically, and physically. It is a chronic workplace stressor which can affect job performance and personal relationships outside of work, although depression, anxiety, and post traumatic stress are also common reactions.  So if you are being bullied by your boss, it is crucial to make your well-being priority #1 to counter the affects of the abuse. This may include taking a medical leave or speaking to a counselor, although self- care also involves simple acts such as exercising, eating right and getting proper rest. Find a formula for stress-reduction and balance that works for you – even if it means looking for another job. If not, the stress of the situation will continue to eat away at your energy and damage your health. At the end of the day, your well-being is in your hands, and working for a bully just isn’t worth the price.

Working for a bully is nothing short of excruciating, causing targets to feel terrorized and trapped. While you can’t change a bully boss’s behavior, you do have the power to change how you respond to them, which can improve the situation for you. Remember, you do have options. Even if the situation appears hopeless, it can and will improve if you put yourself first and refuse to be a victim.
Stay tuned for next month’s issue: