Coping with Co-Workers Who Stress You Out

In a high-speed world where everyday stressors like grid-locked traffic and a demanding workload are the rule rather than the exception, the last thing we need is to be in the constant company of someone who stresses us out. Normally, we can exercise our free will and break up with someone if they act like an insensitive jerk. Unfortunately, workplace relationships are not so straightforward. The companies we work for have the final say on whom we must work along side, essentially placing us in involuntary relationships where there are few alternatives other than to tough it out. In the past, removing oneself from a toxic person in the workplace usually meant resigning from the company. There are times, however, when quitting one’s job does not amount to a particularly attractive or sensible option.

So what can you do when someone you work with is driving you up the wall? By using the following guidelines for dealing with toxic co-workers, you will be better equipped to navigate the web of catty colleagues you have no choice but to contend with every day.

Do Onto Others

Set an example by role modeling the type of behavior you would like to see from your co-workers. It is unrealistic to expect that they will act any different than how they see you conducting yourself. For instance, if you want someone to speak with you directly instead of talking about you behind your back, ensure that you are not participating in the rumor mill yourself. If you don’t like it when someone interrupts you while you’re speaking, ensure you are responding in kind. Point out the positive qualities of others and show appreciation for their efforts. Look for solutions instead of complaining about problems, and maintain a supportive, respectful attitude. By practicing this approach consistently over time, it not only reflects well on your work ethic, but you may be surprised how your positive outlook can begin favorably influence those around you.

Don’t Take It Personally

There are some individuals who are so self-absorbed and self-centered that they can’t understand how their behavior infringes on others. Sometimes, they are so unhappy and unfulfilled in their personal lives that they bring their resentments to work and take them out on other people. These folks usually have long standing patterns of relating to other people that will endure in spite of what others say or do. Therefore, it is important to remember that their rude, unprofessional behavior ultimately says more about them than it does about you. With this in mind, it is essential not to take the actions or opinions of your co-workers personally or to base your perception of your abilities on the way a toxic co-worker behaves. You are valuable and worthwhile, even if your co-worker is not healthy enough to treat you with the respect and courtesy you deserve.

Speak Up

There are moments in everyone’s career when they’re called upon to be assertive. When you’ve exhausted every avenue and killing them with kindness has proved ineffective, perhaps the time has come to speak your mind and let others know if you disagree or dislike something. After all, it is hard for people to change a behavior you find problematic if they aren’t aware of it. Avoid attacking the person; instead, provide feedback about specific behaviors. Try using an assertive “X/Y” statement (e.g. “When you do X, I feel Y”) and then provide them with an alternative behavior (e.g. “In the future, I would prefer it if you would do ___ instead”). This demonstrates your professionalism and ability to resolve conflict, skills that are much needed and desired in today’s workplace.

Take Time To Unwind

Looking after yourself in a topsy-turvy world of constant pressure and ever-increasing demands is a challenge. However, finding ways to loosen up and let go is imperative if you want to reduce pent-up frustration. Medical research consistently demonstrates a strong relationship between stress and an array of serious physical and mental health problems. Therefore, if someone you work with is stressing you out, you must find a variety of constructive ways to decompress. Doing something as simple as going for a walk outdoors, treating yourself to a spa treatment, planning a well-deserved evening out with friends, or talking to a counselor can be an act of self-care that will equalize some of the aggravation you feel as a result of your co-worker. The key is to find an assortment of pleasurable and relaxing activities outside of work that help you unwind and unload. The healthier and more balanced you are, the more you will be able to remain strong, positive, and focused in the face of someone who may not have your best interests at heart.

Stay tuned for next month’s issue: